There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
