the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
