look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
