You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
