I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
