Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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