maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
