I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
