I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
