I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
