yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
