I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There's always time for handjobs
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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