So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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