New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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