dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
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