I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I need moral support for this bender
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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