Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
