I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
When did angry sex become our thing?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
