I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
