Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
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