I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
3 2 1 whiskey
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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