I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
