you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
