So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Panties = found
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
