hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
