Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My ATM looks so different sober.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
