yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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