Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
