I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
