And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
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