he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
