You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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