i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
