I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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