Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
