it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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