need another drink. this is the easiest way
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
