thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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