3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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