I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
