To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
