Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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