I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Your shirt... Was in my pants
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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