Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
What a dumb baby whore.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
