I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
