God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
