Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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