i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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