I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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