were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
