i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
