so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
