if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
try to milk me bitch
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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