i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
