I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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