if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
