woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
