Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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