I wanna bring you to show and tell
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
