he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
