For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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