He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
