Can Purell be used as lube?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
