we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
