My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
