Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
