Acid is not a monday night drug
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
