I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
