did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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