I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
