you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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