so that wasnt chicken after all
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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