How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize