the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
