so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
