So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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