Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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