so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize